Pet Names

Posted in Dog, Personal stuff with tags , , , , on Feb 11, 2022 by kimmzifoo

There are people that name their pets and they will call them by that name, or maybe a shorter version, for their life. Maybe a couple of variants.

Then, there are people that call their pets by a couple of dozen names.

Guess which category I fall into?

Here we go….

Without further ado, here, in no particular order, are the names, other than her given name, I call my dog, Kayla;

Kay
Kaykay
Kayla-kun
Doog
Smallest
Tiny dog
Baby
Baby girl
Sweet baby
Mama’s baby
Mama’s girl
Darlin’
Bubby
Bubba
Cherub
Plum Head
Sugarplum
Plum
Sweetest
Sweetpea
Woman!
Oi!
Cable Guy
Mush
Mushy
Ding-dong
Dong
Dongus
Dingus
Dink
Little dog
Littlest
Mon bebe
Stick-legs
Hoppo
Nips McKensie
Nips McGee
Niiiiips
Nerps
Pelican
Barrel-chested Moron
Ninny
Wally
Nobbins
Nob
Nobbo
Kay-Coo
Tiny idiot
Licky Git
Turd
Fluff Butt
Pantalons
Anus
Bleps
Meep
Squeks

There’s probably more.

Derp

Happy weekend 😀

Offloading some shizz

Posted in Dog, Life Updatiness, Personal stuff, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on Jan 26, 2022 by kimmzifoo

UPDATE 28/1/22 : She had surgery yesterday late in the day and we *just* managed to get her home before the pet hospital closed – her temperature needed to rise enough, which it did. It was so stressful; the first surgery was done first thing and we heard very quickly. This time, despite taking her in just as early, it got to 3pm and I called, concerned. The surgery was just later.

She’s been in a lot of pain today but generally “with it” a lot more quickly (probably detrimental considering the pain) and she’s currently resting on Mik’s knee.

(This post is long. Long story short, things are hard in a lot of ways, Kayla’s surgery is Thursday and that takes precedent right now. Skip to the end for a pic of her face from about half an hour ago if you want.)

Life’s been a real little bitch you know. Kayla needs her second surgery, which is booked for this Thursday. It’s gonna decimate our insurance to the point we’re gonna be funding all her meds and physio afterward for six months ourselves – normally it’s covered by the insurance, but there’ll be none left until it renews for the next period.

She’s decided, of course, right amongst all this, to get her first bout of conjunctivitis. OK. Antibiotics, vet trip. The next week, her surgeon consult. Then a week after the consult… Conjunctivitis again. Another vet trip. All of this is happening when I’ve got an important hospital appointment that I’ve been dreading for months, a phobia of an examination it involves. Another hospital referral I’m having to postpone, as I’ll be unable to leave the house for at least ten days after Kayla has her operation, as she has awful separation anxiety and obviously will be on crate rest for at least that long.

Of course, our boiler started acting up, sounding fit to explode (It’s fine now). I had to frantically chase my antidepressant prescription because the doctor that was assigned to me post-complaints (it was a massive thing) forgot to ring and sort it. The eczema that had been on hiatus has come back with a vengeance, and all the other stupid symptoms of anxiety and stress and so-far-undiagnosed started acting up even more, because of course they did.

Anyway, so, unclear entirely on the results of my prior scary hospital appointment, I do know she still suspects the diagnosis she originally suspected, despite bloods and such being OK for now. She wants me to get tested every year. That’s fine but as I’ve no documentation, I’m unsure where we’ve landed here. So I’ve gotta try and get the doc on the phone.

Couple months ago I had a locum psychiatrist call me. He’d spoken to me a year prior and seemingly didn’t look at my file, or even his own fucking notes. Acknowledged I was feeling worse and decided the best course of action was to dismiss me from the psychiatric service after twenty years. Because of course. (Don’t worry, it was immediately reversed by my actual psychiatrist as soon as she got wind of it) So that’s gonna be a fun phone call next week. All of this is nowhere near all of the flipping ballache that life is at the moment.

I don’t know where my head is at – the Kayla stuff aside – to be honest, because it’s so dominant, the worry. I have no idea what to say, I’m mostly trying to occupy myself and not engage in any of the destructive behaviours I go to when things are tough.

This isn’t to say I’m not grateful for what I have. I am. I have a roof over my head, people that care, and so many little (and big) things that contribute to me still drawing breath. And mum’s lent me some money for vet bills, which helps ease some of the worry. I’m set on paying her back though.

Last time I spoke to the doc he was on about how my problems are “longstanding and complex” and that we’re not under any illusions about outcomes and stuff, it’s about “getting quality of life and managing symptoms” and I kind of agree but also I don’t want to entirely extinguish the hope of being somewhat independent and self sufficient? I need to feel of some worth as a person.

So, I’m not giving up. And I don’t want sympathy or anything like that! It just helps to ramble sometimes.

I’ll feel a lot of relief when the surgeon calls me to tell me Kayla is fine, gained consciousness and gives me a time we can go get her. Then it’s onto everything else.

Kayla

Posted in Dog, Personal stuff with tags , , , , , on Oct 3, 2021 by kimmzifoo

I was fortunate enough to have been gifted some money from some relatives in order to find a dog in summer of 2019. It just so happened that I’d found a chihuahua/pomeranian mix, and I’d messaged the woman a bit… She wasn’t very good at responding though and something seemed off, so I kept looking.


I stumbled across a new ad online amid my search, and it was for a crossbreed I didn’t even know existed and was somehow my two favourite toy breeds; pomeranian and miniature pinscher.

Tiny little 7.5 week old doggo!

I messaged the breeder and she immediately responded. I asked for pictures, I got loads. And video. I fell immediately in love, and mere days later she actually drove to us (I would have had to wait another week for a transport to her) and brought us a dog about a third of the size we were expecting – so tiny I cried 🤣

Cuddles with Dada the day she arrived
So tiny

We called her Kayla. Other names we considered didn’t fit, but she responded to Kayla. Which was nice because it was partly in memory of the loved one who gave us the majority of the money to get her. She was smart, and feisty from the beginning. Scared of very little, and full of energy. We trained her to be carried in a papoose so I’d have a focus when out and about, especially during panic times. We attended puppy classes, which we all enioyed.

She had to wear a Guinea Pig harness!
Smol
At a pub for some food!

Walking, she loved that too, but she never slowed down. She had a weird gait, too. We put it down to eagerness, and a quirk. She started refusing to climb stairs at around the “fear” stage of life. We encouraged her and she eventually resumed.
When she was around 1 year old, just about when the pandemic started getting bad, we noticed she’d hold her leg up now and again. We noted it and vowed to take her to get it checked out if it continued and when things calmed down a bit.
And then one day we were playing and she jumped off the bed, and yelped. Leg in the air, wouldn’t put it down again for a few minutes. So, off to the vet.

Turns out she had luxating patella in both hind legs – they confirmed it with x-rays the following week. Basically the grooves of her bones where the ball of the knee sits are too shallow, so the knees pop out with certain movements. We were referred to a physiotherapist and told surgery was likely.

Chilling with Mama, looking at the front door

She did a year of therapies – infrared lasers every 2 weeks. Heat/cold therapies, stretches, massage, very slow walks, all twice a day. Swim therapy a few times. She had a couple of setbacks, notably when she tweaked her back and had to go right back to 2 minute snail-pace walks. She wasn’t allowed to run, or chase, or climb stairs. And after all that we went to her regular therapy session – not long after she recovered from her spay surgery, and the doctor turned to me and said it was not going to get any better, we’d done all we can and it was time for leg surgery. She would need both legs operating on – one, then the other.

The day of spay surgery, still doped up
Puppaccino
She loves whipped cream haha

We were referred to an orthopaedic specialist who explained the procedure and performed the operation early one morning so we could take her home same day. He deepened the groove her knee sits in, and re-aligned the bone underneath with pins and wire.

Surgery day.

Recovery has been slow, and upsetting. She had to be kept in a crate or carried everywhere, lest she jump. We’re ten weeks from her surgery day today and she’s only recently been putting the leg down more than lifting it up. She had a reaction to her painkillers early on and a lot of faff meant she was suffering quite badly for the first three or four weeks, so she’s a little behind schedule as far as rehab goes, but she’s moving up to 20 minutes of walking twice a day now, and her surgery leg is down 90% of the time. The muscle atrophied, so we’re building it back up. She’s doing really well.

Ice cream time in the heat!

I’m hoping that, by the time her third summer rolls around, she can start to run and play. What with her legs and the pandemic, she’s frustrated and undersocialised. I don’t think she will be enough for me to be okay out on my own (the fact she is so cute means people come and try to touch her or generally pay too much attention sometimes – don’t get me started on some of the things we’ve had to deal with) but I would never be without her.

Dad’s knee
She loves a cuddle
Sleeps with Momma
Photogenic 🌟
Christmas 2019
Family ❤️❤️❤️

Drawing Digitally on the iPad

Posted in Drawings/paintings with tags , , , , , , , , , on Sep 1, 2021 by kimmzifoo

I decided to take up drawing digitally again a couple years ago. I used to use a cheap tablet which attached to my PC and I’d use GIMP, but I no longer have a PC and I always wanted a tablet with visual on – so I could draw directly and see it there. I got myself an iPad (in installments from Amazon, I’m not rich) and played around with the Procreate app and brushes and whatnot.

I’m still very much a beginner, but I thought I’d share some of the highlights here. Some of them are signed with my signature, some with my Instagram account handle and some with my new compact signature.

I hope you enjoy them. It’s definitely been interesting so far.

Been a long time…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on Aug 24, 2021 by kimmzifoo

So.. It’s been a few years. We moved. Again. Somewhere better this time. Less… Busy. Not without its issues (nuisance neighbours, police presence, a court case… The list goes on…) but a lot better than the previous area and inhabitants.

Freja the duprasi came into our lives, and she left it. It was really traumatic for us, but we don’t regret having her. She was a lovely little critter.

Freja

Some time later, we were lucky enough to be gifted monies from two sources in order to find a dog companion for me (and us) and happened to spot a little, lone puppy advertised online. Only one born. We instantly fell for her little face, and mere days later, Kayla was brought into our lives.

Kayla, the day she arrived. 8 weeks old.
There will be a lot more on Kayla as time goes on.

Unfortunately, I haven’t come as far along in terms of agoraphobia and mental health as I’d hoped to by now. I’m still very much stuck at home and need constant accompaniment. Kayla was supposed to facilitate a more independent lifestyle for me, but we’ve had… Setbacks. More on that another time.

I’m not sure what I’m gonna make this blog all about now I’ve decided to use it again. It’d be nice to ramble a little bit, use as a brain dump. Instagram is for visuals. Facebook is too familiar. In a bad way. It often did help me to throw some stuff out there (although I’m more reserved about what, than I used to be, as it could be detrimental).

Oh, and I mess with my hair a LOT now. 🤣

September 2019
April 2020
September 2020
Dec 2020
April 2021
Slightly later April
June
Today

If anyone is still reading, hey. Hope you’re okay. Hope you’re safe. And better than I left you.

Oh, I also designed and got some tattoos. We’ll get to that. 😉

Hey! It’s been a while…

Posted in Freja, Kimmie Facts, Personal stuff with tags , , , on May 17, 2017 by kimmzifoo

The last time I posted here, things were… Not good. We’d lost Dumbers, we had a lot going on with nightmare neighbours and I was generally quite unwell.

We got shot of the idiot neighbours this year. We welcomed a new critter to our household, celebrated our 15th anniversary, and I have come along in leaps and bounds since last I updated too.

I’ve been to a proper restaurant – twice. I’ve become more assertive and confident in general and worked on friendships, and now I have a small circle of people I would consider to be true friends. I started a remedial art class for people who suffer mental health difficulties as a way for me to ease into learning so that eventually I can take classes that will net me qualifications and take me even further along the way towards besting agoraphobia.

I’m a long way off of being independent, but hot damn am I making progress 😊

Because of this, I feel exhausted quite a lot. Suddenly it seems life has changed a great deal and I’ve gotten very busy with different things. I have to have small meltdowns where I process everything that’s been going on, and sometimes I shut down completely for a bit. Needing my meds a bit more as a result but generally I’m feeling more positive and I’m doing so much more too. Hoping to be around a little more now.

Anyway, new critter. After the loss of Dumbledore last year I originally wanted a syrian hamster, as Dumbie was a special case and a rescue. Then I found out about Duprasi. They live 5-7 years on average and have good temperament, and are similar in terms of need. So, I found a breeder, we spoke, and she actually drove many miles up to where we live to let me choose the baby from the litter that had been born 4 weeks previously.

Freja is just over 12 weeks old now and coming along pretty well herself with being brave. We love her dearly ❤️

IMG_20170514_085458

So, okay, not that… 

Posted in Dumbee, Life Updatiness with tags , , on Aug 15, 2016 by kimmzifoo

..Deleted review posts. The idea was to review stuff often, but honestly my heart just isn’t in it to go into loads of detail about every thing. It is so tedious and quite frankly life has not dealt things synonymous with structure and routine lately. 

As usual, I have no idea what I’m doing. 

We took Dumbie to be put down early July, after a week’s rapid decline in mobility and general wellbeing. We’re still feeling the loss quite terribly. I’ve never lost an animal to euthanasia or dealt with its death personally so it was a bigger blow than I expected. I was quite ill for a time and I’m still not quite out of it, but I’m functioning almost as well as before all the stuff, including losing the hammie, kicked off. 

I buried my him in a little metal golden Rolo tin outside our front window, put some rocks on top and planted some flowers, with help from friends. I managed to fit his tiny stuffed carrot toy, Mr Carrot, next to him, which brought sweet smiles to us. 

We miss him so, so much. 

I’ll end here cause I’ve ended up harping on about Dumbledore. 

He was a little asshole. But he was my baby boy. ❤️

Still in limbo

Posted in Life Updatiness, Personal stuff, Uncategorized on Feb 28, 2016 by kimmzifoo

Yeah, so I’ve not been here. Still undergoing meds changes and a bunch of health issues I’d rather not go into (nothing life threatening or serious just a plethora of things not worth detailing) which have impacted my ability and desire to do a lot of the stuff I do normally.

 

I do have some updated recipes I’ll get round to posting. I do still Sew stuff, just not lately. I don’t draw because my computer packed up and I’m not getting another one until we move. Dumbee is still alive, I’ve dyed my hair lengths red, I turned thirty and I recently got back into reading for the first time in years I’ve been able to concentrate on a book. I’m also starting to get into certain comic books now I have a Kindle Fire. It’s made all the difference, so now I actually read.

 

I’m still trying to get out of here, I’m still trying to get better and I’m gonna try and make more effort with, well, everything.

 

I’ll catch up here sometime soon.

Long Time No Ramble.

Posted in Life Updatiness, Personal stuff on Dec 23, 2015 by kimmzifoo

So, yeah, I guess I’ve been pretty quiet. Sticking to things has always been an issue for me, so it’s not unusual.

 

Been through a lot of meds changes these past few months. Withdrawals for a long time on one med, a new one entirely, then a supplementing new one that really didn’t work out at all… now I’m four weeks into a new side-medication and it seems okay. But all of it combined with SAD made depression even more depressiony than usual. Panic and anxiety have been on the high too so now I’ve got to use my discretion when it gets too bad as to whether to use a beta blocker to calm the physical or a sedative if it’s more mental. Cause sometimes you just get the physical stuff and you feel okay, but it leads you to the mental.

 

Anyway.

 

I came to the realisation that I’ve exactly one week of my twenties left as of today. It’s weird. I’m not afraid of ageing, but I guess I thought I’d be further along by now. If not in regards to mental health progress, than further towards our home where we will settle down. Married, moved. At least more capable than I am now. But, life rarely does as you expect. To be entirely honest, 30 is something I never thought I’d reach. Figured I’d have done something stupid before then, but, here I am.

 

I’ve come to realise that while I may not be all that strong, and I’m certainly Madam Overreacto, I’m tenacious. I may get confused, freak out, whine and say I’m giving up and feel as though it’s all for nothing, but I still try my damndest. So there’s something there.

 

Anyway, I just felt like getting a little out here. I’m hoping to be more interesting next time – still very lethargic and apathetic in terms of hobbies and actual fun things at the moment. Got something new, fun and exciting (for me) coming up soon so I’ll probably witter on about that at some point.

 

I hope you’re all doing well, and have an awesome Christmastime and New Year.

aa439f39db6255b9d378ff3b32e4ac28

~Kimmie

Bleh

Posted in Uncategorized on Oct 16, 2015 by kimmzifoo

People… confuse me. They always have. I can empathise with a person, I can try to understand why they feel things and do things but I just can’t connect with them. I think I’m too much in my own head for that. I get too paranoid, nervous. The more I interact with people, the worse it gets. And a lot of people I know have their own little opinion on why that is, and to be quite honest, I don’t care to hear what they think they know, because, to be frank; they don’t.

They don’t see or hear me getting pissed at them for an imagined (or real) slight, because I don’t show it. I don’t do that. They don’t see me in sobbing fits that wake the neighbours because I’ve happened to piss someone off and find out about it. They don’t see the times I cannot express myself or contain my rage/panic/sorrow and thusly tear out my hair or hurl myself into walls and doors in fits like a bratty toddler.

Of course, people think that knowledge fixes things. Sometimes it only compounds the issue and adds more to your already overcrowded mind and frustrates you all the more because, dammit, simple things shouldn’t be this hard.

Sometimes the only reason you talk to people is because the guilt and anxiety you’ll feel if you don’t will make your life so very much worse for yourself, so you do it, and you hide how you feel, because what is the point in telling them? It’ll make you feel ashamed, them feel uncomfortable and both of you feel down. So you hush.

I feel things rather too strongly at times, as we all do. My coping mechanisms are still in infancy in some things in life, and while it’s not my fault, it’s mine to fix, and it’s very difficult to do so. Try to explain and people treat you like you’re a benefit fraud or a retard. Even people who are supposed to love you. And even if they don’t treat you like that, you think they do. It’s fun. (Sarcasm, there.)

Thing is, you feel stuff too strong, you overreact, you got to realise other people have feelings and reactions of their own. So, you hide yourself away, but that hurts them as well. When they’re around, perhaps you take it out on them. you can’t do anything right, except try your damndest and my GOD if you don’t do the wrong thing almost every time, but you still keep going.

Right now, I’m in a difficult place. I made friends – ACTUAL humans – of a few neighbours. This is a new development and not one without its problems, especially when they have problems similar to your own.

I’m withdrawing from a very difficult medication and onto playing around with new ones in eventuality and the discontinuation is worsening, understandably, the more I taper off. I do know it’ll end.

My breast tumor seems to have grown, although I’m not sure – upon my exam the doctor discovered another in the other one, so I got a fast tracked appointment to attend during a school half term next week, which I’m really not looking forward to, especially since the withdrawals have been unbearable the last day or so.

But, hey. I got reasons to live somewhere that mean absolutely NOTHING to me right this minute, which is just lovely for everyone who’s a part of my life.

I’m really, really tired. People see the thing I have to be around them and they don’t know how much it exhausts me. They know I’m pathetic but they have no idea how bloody useless I am. I’m fighting because if I don’t, people make me feel bad. I’m not fighting for me, I just want some peace. I stop the facade even a little and the concern/third degree/whatever is just so unbearable I either feel guilt or just so angry I want to tear down everything.

Anyway, I vent. I don’t really care for response. I just have nowhere to put this and actually voicing it is more trouble than it’s worth, as usual.